Mumina's post got me inspired to do a mini-bio, too. Who, after all, doesn't like writing about herself? ;) So it's the jolt that I needed.
*hang on, Mumina - I have to go pick up my kids I'll finish this post later inshaAllah ;) *
**Okay, I'm back. Yeah, like a week later. :) Such is me. Which is what this post is all about, right? Ahhhhh.
Well, I forget what I was going to write about in the first place. So let's just take it from here, with baby in my lap and everything.
Maybe I could write a list type of thing. My cousin did some kind of "100 facts about me" type of thing awhile back on her page....that might make it easier. And then I know I'll just go off and off into paragraphs and paragraphs of tangents. But oh well. Tangents are what I do best.
1. I feel what I imagine is semi-drained of life each morning until I have my coffee. It's a bit freakish, and scares me, but at this point I think there's nothing I can do about it. If coffee doesn't happen until noon, then I feel semi-drained of life until noon. And so on.
Maybe it's the consequence of my college years, when I didn't have a clue what "health" is, and how to maintain and respect it, and so had limitlessness for almost everything. ALMOST - alhamdulileh!!!!!
2. I am 30 years old. sheesh! Walhamdulileh. I just turned 30 last march. March 2, which is a cute looking little date that I like, alhamdulileh. What is she talking about, you might wonder? Yes, I am talking about how I like the date of my birth. It is aesthetically pleasing. And I am majorly concerned with aesthetics. Many years, there is a blizzard or other type of storm on my birthday, which I love. It seems wild and romantic. Except for that year I turned 10 years old, and had tickets to The Children's Theatre on my birthday, to see a play about my favorite story of all time, Alice in Wonderland, with my mother and my best friend from next door, and we couldn't go because of a major blizzard (we don't even get truly major blizzards here in Minnesota anymore...freakish global warming!). I remember crying....my mom must have felt so bad. ;)
3. I get headaches easily, and they are very bad and less often can turn into migraines. I have to be careful about this, which includes drinking lots of water. I've discovered that if I do not drink lots of water for 2 or so days in a row, I am guaranteed a headache. These usually last an entire day. And then I cannot think. Walhamdulileh. :) Yes, I am truly grateful for any trial I am given because I need it, it is good for me for so many reasons, and always, always it it nothing in comparison. As in all things, there is always somebody who's got it worse than you - and I am applying this to the whole picture of being alive - not just headaches.
Afterthought: you might be thinking, how does she manage Ramadan? Alhamdulileh, mashaAllah, Allah is Merciful - I have a trivial amount of headache during that month. I manage by drinking 1-2 litres of water at sukhoor and 2 litres of water from maghrib onwards.
4. So far this list is so random that I am getting wary of it. Well, on, on! I'm telling myself. Try to keep it together, man!
5. I pictured the above last sentence being uttered by Rex Harrison. Hilarious man. The other night, I watched about 1/2 an hour of the old movie "Cleopatra" starring Rex Harrison, some other guy, and Elizabeth Taylor. Rex Harrison as Caesar is ridiculously amusing! But the movie was terrible, so I quit watching.
6. I come from an eccentric family. Or at least, my father is, and siblings, as a result of being genetically tied, and then my mother, but only by proximation, and because she loves us.
MashaAllah, I am at this moment marvelling at my husband's patience and acceptance of remaining married to someone who, from his point of view, is such a goofball.
My husband is utterly logical, determinedly balanced. He keeps me in order. It's all Qadr Allah. I feel he is good for me, mashaAllah. I hope I am beneficial for him, too.
7. I love simplicity, and nature. I love simple foods, simple meals. The thought makes me tingle. I just gave my son strawberries and cheese to eat. Things like that. I find myself writing a lot about nature, weather, light, or darkness. It effects me so much. Years ago now, I considered myself a poet. I can't be, anymore, since I don't do it, anymore. But I used to write voluminously.
That was before I was married. Being married changed me, changed how I spend my time in the world, physically and mentally. And it had to, since for years I was completely enveloped in the vortex of my own mental world. I loved it, but change is inevitable, good, progression, a part of life, and a challenge to rise to. I have always loved words, language, writing. But also, since I became muslim almost 5 years ago, alhamdulileh, mashaAllah, my writing quieted for many, many reasons. One is that I felt the weight of RESPONSIBILITY for what I write. Words can clearly get you into trouble, especially too many words - for us humans, they can run away from us, out of our control. We get heady with them, and can lose our way. We can become too much engulfed in the indulgence of Self.
It's why, years ago, before I came to Islam, I was trying to clear out, clean up, after years of being psychologically, imaginatively, emotionally, a chaotic mess. And so I was drawn to Eastern concepts of clarity, silence, purity, simplicity, reticence. As a muslim, I still respect those values and find it halal and beneficial to do so from an Islamic standpoint.
8. I am not a very social person. For years and years, I was extremely shy. However, especially in this last year - perhaps it is the benefit of aging, maturity - I find I am gaining more confidence that allows me to relax and be myself and reach out to other people, and that it's not such a scary thing or such a huge task - in fact I find relief in it. I feel very grateful to know so many beautiful muslim souls. My dad respects Islam and muslims a lot. He asked me recently, "It seems like....is it a muslim quality to have such a pure heart?" and all I could say was, "I think so."
9. I am a very flexible person. I am often (can't say always) open to hearing another point of view and considering it. We talked about this in my son's once-a-week preschool (it's a 2 hr. thing, called Early Childhood Family Education, and I love it) during mom-time, in the mom-room, where all the moms go to discuss mom-stuff while the kids stay in their classroom, doing kid-stuff.
The topic was "temperament," which I think greatly interests our "parent educator," and me. One of the 9 characteristics of temperament, so it goes, is "flexibility," and where a person lies on that scale.
We dispersed into small groups and discussed a temperament trait or two. We were to examine the positives and the challenges of these traits. Our group had "flexibility." The group agreed with me, that we couldn't think of anything negative about being flexible. Let's say the parents are extremely routine-oriented people, and the child naturally isn't. No matter; the child is flexible and so adapts to the parents' way.
When we presented to the large group, I added, for an amiable example, that I consider myself extremely flexible, and that some might perceive that as being easily walked-over, but that actually that trait has come in quite handy for me in life.
One woman spoke up - a woman I respect. She's soft-spoken, humble, creative, and has an aura of peacefulness about her. To my surprise, she said, "I can think of something negative about being overly flexible...you could lose yourself." All ears perked up and turned towards her. The group facilitator pressed her to explain. "It's just....if you're always willing to change or give up what you want, you can lose that part of yourself."
I thought this was very interesting - and a little bit alarming. Actually, I embarrassed myself, next. As it is also my nature to make sure everyone feels good and included, I immediately said, without thinking twice, "Yes, that's a good point!" ( LOL - thereby demonstrating just how flexible I am! I was embarrassed because I didn't want anyone or myself to think of myself as a lost pushover) I don't know if anyone caught that, on my part. They didn't give any sign.
Oh well. :) It works for me. I do what I have to do to stay aloft in this world, you know?
10. Okay, time to do something else, today. It's been fun, kids.